Alcohol Experiment

30 days ago I started an alcohol experiment. I was feeling sad every day, and understandably so since I'm going through a painful time in my personal life. I found that I was looking forward to the weekends when I could numb my sadness with a few drinks. Over time I noticed that a few drinks became more than a few drinks because my tolerance to alcohol was growing. And some weeks I wasn't even waiting for the weekend to have a few drinks. Alcohol wasn't a problem for me historically, so why would it be a problem now? I wasn't ticking the boxes on any 'are you an alcoholic' quizzes. The reason it became a problem for me now is because in numbing my sadness, I was also numbing my happiness. 

30 days ago I decided that I wanted to stop using alcohol to numb my feelings. I want to feel my feelings. I want to be fully present for my life, not numbed. I don't want to spend my Saturday and Sunday mornings trying to recover from a hangover, or regretting stupid things I said the night before. So I started the 30 day alcohol experiment the day after the Super Bowl, and today is the 30th day. 

Big things I've noticed so far: I am sleeping better. I am feeling my feelings and the sad/scary/hurting ones aren't killing me. I am learning that I don't need alcohol to have a fun time with my friends. Before the experiment, I believed martinis were helping me to relax, but it turns out they actually stressed and depressed me more than relaxed me.

Smaller things I've noticed so far: I have more energy, and am losing weight. Marketers spend a lot of time and money building ad campaigns that target stressed out moms and I was buying into those messages. Our society views nondrinkers as boring. In regards to drinking, I had my first alcoholic drink in 1987 and since then have said I could "take it or leave it" but I had never actually tried leaving it until 30 days ago. 

I've also noticed that how much others drink or don’t drink, and how they talk about why they drink or don’t drink, can sometimes feel like a judgement they’re making about me and my decisions to drink or not drink. My sharing about my decision to examine my relationship with alcohol is not a judgement about anyone else's relationship with alcohol. If you are reading these words and feeling judged, let me assure you that I am not judging your drinking or not drinking decisions. 

I've decided that I will keep going with this experiment. I'm not sure for how long. It's good for right now! 

Thank you to my dear yoga friend Joy who recommended the book "The Alcohol Experiment" by Annie Grace to me. I read it daily throughout the experiment, thought about it and pondered the questions the author raises. I am moving on to her book "The Naked Mind" next. Fascinating learnings ~ I appreciate your openness Joy! You are Being The Love you wish to see in the world, dear one.